Out of retirement.

I'm coming out of retirement and singing for my super again. I don't very often have either the opportunity or the desire to do this any more, but there are some pieces which I have performed over the years which I cannot resist the opportunity to reprise. Tonight's piece, Dream House by American composer Steven Mackey, is one such as I performed the world premiere in Amsterdam in 2003, the American premiere in Boston in 2007, and recorded the piece two years ago in New York. I'm not ready to let anyone else do it yet.

So tonight we are performing the piece at the brand new Media City in Salford, home to the BBC Philharmonic, who will be accompanying us. The piece calls for one solo voice (the unbelievable Rinde Eckert) and ensemble of four (Micaela, Heather and Mike from the wonderful Synergy Vocals plus me, an erstwhile member), a quartet of electric guitars (Catch Electric Guitar Quartet from Amsterdam) and a very full symphony orchestra. It's loud, puzzling, exciting, and ultimately joyful and great fun to perform. Steve is conducting so it's going to be a great night.

My career as a Director took over from singing many years ago now, and I frankly don't maintain my voice properly, so these rare gigs are very scary. I become the worst kind of paranoid singer, worrying about every catch of phlegm in the throat, every little tickle, and terrified that the top of the voice will not come out right or at all! This piece involves many styles of singing too, from the close harmony work I did in Swingles, to some sections that require full out singing. It is challenging rhythmically and you really need to know the voices around you.That kind of quick switching between vocal styles of production is difficult.

It is interesting to come back to a piece every few years as it demonstrates how once's voice changes over time. Sections that used to be near impossible or cause worry are now easy, where as some simple passages which I used to be able to easily float are now very problematic. The muscles change and harden with age (and underuse!).

Each time I sing again, which works out to be once every 18 month to 2 years, I swear 'never again'. I don't particularly like myself as a performer and, were I directing me, I really wouldn't like me! However it does me good each time to remind myself what the performers I work with in my other life have to go through. It's a good exercise and every director should try it.

Wish me luck - the panic is rising!